Saturday, 28 April 2007

Tectonic Leaves on the Line

Yes, this does make me angry!
Shitty little quake scares Britain

Let's get real here, it was a pissy little 4.5 on the Richter scale. Some of my post curry bowel evacuations have registered more ffs!! Having been involved in the Montserrat volcano eruptions in '96, having sailed through the straits of Messina with Etna at near full voice and having visited Napoli, Pozzoli, Sulfatara etc I feel we're just being utterly poncy as a nation about this! The earth wobbled a bit, get over it, we live in one of the most geologically sound bits of the entire planet, bask in the novelty you dullards!

The scenes of Fearnought clad firemen marching through the streets of Kent filled me with wanton despair. Some bricks got thrown around and an old lady got hurt, fuck me, that's the norm every 5 minutes in Kent!! We currently seem to be hopeless,shit,pathetic, nay fucking crap at just taking things on the fucking chin. Shit really just does happen boys and girls. The earth has an iron core, a molten mantle and a very, very thin crust. If you think it's scary living in Kent, try living on Montserrat, Naples or even maybe in yellowstone where they believe there's a volcanic caldera that could wipe out civilisation.

As a member of the warrior class I'm beginning to think it's a lot of you lot who are responsible for the chicken shit attitude of Mr Bean and Fatty Turney!! Buck up, chin up, we're British FFS!!

1937 Headline "No-one particularly hurt in very small Kent tremor"
2007 Headline "Fuck shit We're all going to die as earth moves under Eastenders"
2007 Headline in Independent "Fuck shit We're All Going to Die as Global Warming Melts Earths Crust and Exposes Us to Red Hot Mantle, US utterly to Blame!!!!"

1 comment:

Mr Eugenides said...

Totally agree. Was watching BBC this morning and they had live helicopter pictures from Kent. I'm thinking, "what?"

I was in an earthquake a few years ago (in Greece) in which 50 people died. The ground shook, the plaster cracked, the noise was genuinely scary. But once I'd established that I wasn't dead, I picked up my wallet, my passport and my keys, and went down to the pub to have a pint and collect my thoughts. That night "Aftershock" was served free with every order.

A bit of sang froid would not go amiss, particularly when the natural disaster is so embarassingly minor as to not really merit reporting.